I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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