If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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