There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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