Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
