just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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