I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
