Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
