So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
