Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
