this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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