he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
