naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
