I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
