remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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