guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
