College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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