i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
where are my eyebrows?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
