I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
