my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
