dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
