I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
