i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
