Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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