You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
