i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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