I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This baby is an asshole
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
