Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
