then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
