it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you had me at cake vodka
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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