I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
third nipple confirmed
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
