We're like a lot better than the average bears
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
