The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
