Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
