My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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