It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
