is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
