what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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