GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
