Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
