so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
