I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize