Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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