3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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