Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
foreskin is a definite game changer
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
