You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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