i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
