3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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