the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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