1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
