Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
