did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
