So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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