Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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