"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
