I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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