i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
