i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
