get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
