hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
