I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
