Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
