I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
