Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
