I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
