I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
