Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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