I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
